Methinks disinterested barista needs to get her hearing checked.

At Milk.

I'll have 3. What about you?

Christmas Dinner Part Two: The Empire Strikes Fat

Do you know what the golden stripe on top is? That is the side benefit to cooking a goose: a quart of goose fat! I shouldn't have to explain to you why this is awesome.

This goose hasn't been handled as much as Lindsay Lohan, but it's close.

Stock. Guess what you wind up with here? Stock. And more fat!

I have never seen fat separate this well. This is unfiltered, and this isn't cloudy, either.

First trip into the oven.

Look at that. Such vibrancy.

And then someone had to break out the oil. Apparently we're in the studio with Prince, recording the Batman soundtrack.

Post second trip in the oven. Breast down and covered to start, up and bare to finish. Just like the beach in San Tropez.

Gravy roux. Roux may be my favorite word ever.

Goose fat: It's like 12 days of Christmas.

Group photo. It was awesome. Merry Christmas!

Christmas Dinner, Part One: The Fellowship of the Mise En Place

Holidays at home generally mean cooking something big, something a little outside the norm. This year, the notch has been stepped up.

The Players:

If you're going to have vegetables involved, they should be good ones. These are.

Bread and bacon. Food groups: covered.

Bacon: about to do what it does best.

Put this with the bacon, and you'd have yourself a nice side dish. But that's not enough for today.

Magic happening.

This is probably too hot for the kids to see.

Look at all that goodness. I see apples, wild rice, chestnuts? Yes.

What's all this for?

Time for the big reveal:

Oh yes. We went there.

To be continued…

Poster Review: Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close

What is this movie about? Good luck discerning anything from this poster. From the title, it's probably a concert film. From the look on the kid's face, it may be about an eating disorder. Nothing about this makes me want to find out.

One of the reasons this is such a disconserting image is because the hands are miserably Photoshopped over the kid's face. Go to a mirror, and try and replicate this. You can't, and it's not because you have bigger or smaller hands, or don't feel like throwing up at this moment. It's because it's an impossible pose. The hands are essentially floating over the plane the face is on, and the shadows are just miserable, the scale is wrong. It's surprising that this got approved, considering the pedigree of the film.

Poster Review: Contraband

Duct tape usage #18763: Can be used as a terrible framing device for color-pallet-confused movie posters.

Poster Review: The Dark Knight Rises

Phenomenal, although the edge on Bane's left side doesn't feel like it matches with his focus. A bit too cut-out.

Poster Review: American Reunion

Mena Suvari: I can't believe we're just re-doing the original movie's poster layout. This is so embarrassing.

Sean William Scott: DUUUUUUDE! That joke is even funnier than it was 12 years ago, brah!

Eddie Kay Thomas: I haven't said anything, Sean, I'm scoping out that P.A. off-poster.

Chris Klein: I can't believe Jason's ass looks that good in a suit. Dayum!

Thomas Ian Nicholas: This means we're gonna keep doing these, right? This franchise is my only gig that isn't always straight-to-DVD. Guys? Please?

Jason Biggs (to camera): Don't you wish you knew what I'm doing with my hands right now?

More thoughts about this one:

1. Everyone loves gravity-defying pie.

2. I'm a little surprised Natasha Lyonne is even alive.

3. I'm even more surprised to discover that she's now Jason Biggs conjoined-twin sister.

Poster Review: Ceremony

Dude on the Left (DL): That's, um, a lot of light bloom.

Dude on the Right (DR): Hadn't noticed, I'm totally checking out that hot guy on the other side of the bad head strip.

DL: You're looking outside the poster? That's so breaking the fourth wall.

DR: Huh?

DL: So I suppose you don't see that half-assed title treatment?

DR: What? Is that his name?

DL: This is the last poster I share with you.

DR: Do you have his number?