Skip to main content

Posts

Showing posts from 2011

I'll have 3. What about you?

Christmas Dinner Part Two: The Empire Strikes Fat

Do you know what the golden stripe on top is? That is the side benefit to cooking a goose: a quart of goose fat! I shouldn't have to explain to you why this is awesome. This goose hasn't been handled as much as Lindsay Lohan, but it's close. Stock. Guess what you wind up with here? Stock. And more fat! I have never seen fat separate this well. This is unfiltered, and this isn't cloudy, either. First trip into the oven. Look at that. Such vibrancy. And then someone had to break out the oil. Apparently we're in the studio with Prince, recording the Batman soundtrack. Post second trip in the oven. Breast down and covered to start, up and bare to finish. Just like the beach in San Tropez. Gravy roux. Roux may be my favorite word ever. Goose fat: It's like 12 days of Christmas. Group photo. It was awesome. Merry Christmas!

Christmas Dinner, Part One: The Fellowship of the Mise En Place

Holidays at home generally mean cooking something big, something a little outside the norm. This year, the notch has been stepped up. The Players: If you're going to have vegetables involved, they should be good ones. These are. Bread and bacon. Food groups: covered. Bacon: about to do what it does best. Put this with the bacon, and you'd have yourself a nice side dish. But that's not enough for today. Magic happening. This is probably too hot for the kids to see. Look at all that goodness. I see apples, wild rice, chestnuts? Yes. What's all this for? Time for the big reveal: Oh yes. We went there. To be continued…

Poster Review: Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close

What is this movie about? Good luck discerning anything from this poster. From the title, it's probably a concert film. From the look on the kid's face, it may be about an eating disorder. Nothing about this makes me want to find out. One of the reasons this is such a disconserting image is because the hands are miserably Photoshopped over the kid's face. Go to a mirror, and try and replicate this. You can't, and it's not because you have bigger or smaller hands, or don't feel like throwing up at this moment. It's because it's an impossible pose. The hands are essentially floating over the plane the face is on, and the shadows are just miserable, the scale is wrong. It's surprising that this got approved, considering the pedigree of the film.

Poster Review: Contraband

Duct tape usage #18763: Can be used as a terrible framing device for color-pallet-confused movie posters.

Poster Review: The Dark Knight Rises

Phenomenal, although the edge on Bane's left side doesn't feel like it matches with his focus. A bit too cut-out.

Poster Review: American Reunion

Mena Suvari: I can't believe we're just re-doing the original movie's poster layout. This is so embarrassing. Sean William Scott: DUUUUUUDE! That joke is even funnier than it was 12 years ago, brah! Eddie Kay Thomas: I haven't said anything, Sean, I'm scoping out that P.A. off-poster. Chris Klein: I can't believe Jason's ass looks that good in a suit. Dayum! Thomas Ian Nicholas: This means we're gonna keep doing these, right? This franchise is my only gig that isn't always straight-to-DVD. Guys? Please? Jason Biggs (to camera): Don't you wish you knew what I'm doing with my hands right now? More thoughts about this one: 1. Everyone loves gravity-defying pie. 2. I'm a little surprised Natasha Lyonne is even alive. 3. I'm even more surprised to discover that she's now Jason Biggs conjoined-twin sister.

Poster Review: Ceremony

Dude on the Left (DL): That's, um, a lot of light bloom. Dude on the Right (DR): Hadn't noticed, I'm totally checking out that hot guy on the other side of the bad head strip. DL: You're looking outside the poster? That's so breaking the fourth wall. DR: Huh? DL: So I suppose you don't see that half-assed title treatment? DR: What? Is that his name? DL: This is the last poster I share with you. DR: Do you have his number?

Poster Review: The Avengers

Seriously? Didn't we go through this before? So Loki is in the Avengers now? Nick Fury is an Avenger? Is anyone even trying over there?

Have an insanely great Halloween!

Richard Stallman' speaking rider

Richard Stallman's rider for speaking engagements.Bus and train tickets: If you buy bus or train tickets for me, do not give my name! Big Brother has no right to know where I travel, or where you travel, or where anyone travels. If they arbitrarily demand a name, give a name that does not belong to any person you know of. If they will check my ID before I board the bus or train, then let's look for another way for me to travel. (In the US I never use long-distance trains because of their ID policy.) Why anyone at this point would hire him to come speak is kind of odd, but the rider is full of unintentional hilarity. Equally hilarious is this follow up by Glenn Fleishman.

It's not even Halloween. W. T. F.

Un-See

See the full gallery on Posterous I'm not sure which is more amazing. The Photoshopping in these pictures, or the fact that they are allegedly by Annie Leibovitz? They also make you wonder if "talent" approval of shots is still a thing.

Somebody stop George

Things I'm OK With:Fixing shoddy light saber effects. Fixing the puppeteer's Wampa arm. Removing visible matt lines from around TIE Fighters. Increasing contrast on rear-projection and blue screen effects shots. Things I'm NOT OK With: Greedo shooting first. Any added "restored" shots (I'm looking at you, Jabba Jr.) Any added CGI. Any NEW shots.  Hayden Christiansen. This: Clear?

Poster Review: Machine Gun Preacher

The little boy isn't holding Butler's hand, so just WHERE IS HIS HAND GOING? Good job on making the two of them appear to be lit from a similar light source. A pity that the background is lit from the opposite direction. (Image from I Watch Stuff)

Poster Review: We Need To Talk About Kevin

Hells yes. OK, it's not perfect. Tilda's dressing gown could be better resolved at the bottom, and the blown out look on the guy's face would be better if it wasn't so clearly a Photoshop contrast push. And the title treatment is a bit awkward with the 't' not aligning with the side of the 'N'. But I love the vibe, the color and the type layout. Excellent reference to the aesthetic of Rosemary's Baby. More old-school posters like this, please. (Images from IMPAwards.com)

Poster Review: And They're Off

Don't look at this one. Please. The bad Photoshopping in it may make you blind.Just don't. ... ... ... ... /sigh OK, but I warned you: Have your retinas refocused? No? Well, you can always do text-to-speech on this one if you're on a Mac, don't know about Windows users. What is cool about this one is that it proves that Sean Astin exists in another dimension from ours, appearing to us according to his will, not our laws of physics. It really is remarkable. What's that? You don't believe me? Well then, you explain how it is that Sean is lit by a different source from Ms. Oteri and her horse? Or how he is standing a good yard in front of the horse, while still managing to jam his should up the poor equine's butt, without resorting to Reed Richards-like stretching action? It's not possible. He's like a time lord or something. Bonus points for the straight apostrophe in the title. And the almost-red 'O'. So many things off about this one. (Image from Coming…

Poster Review: The Raven

Two things about this one:
1. It is mostly really good, except for the inconsistent ink/blood spills at the bottom.
2. I'm so glad that Johnny Depp isn't doing this one. Reached my limit on Depp in Victorian clothing.

Poster Review: The Dark Knight Rises

Beautiful design, straight up. I do wish there was just a tad more color in it, and they could have done without the "In theaters" line and the URL, but this is a stunning start to the marketing.

Chromebook and Google's Arrogance

Michael Mace of MobileOpportunity has a thoughtful blog post on the Chromebook vs. Windows.He's not a fan of Google Docs as a complete replacement for Word (or any other native word processor): "Since Google does not seem to be focused on fixing Docs, it's theoretically possible that some other app developer could create an online replacement for Office that really works, and offer it on Chromebooks.  But who would want to invest in that area when Google Docs is there as a competitor?  Docs is just good enough to hinder innovation, but not good enough to take out Office." Then again, I'm not sure anyone outside of the Free Software as Religion crowd is a giant fan of Google Docs. 
"Besides, Google did a couple of sessions at IO comparing web app development to native app development.  They all concluded that web app development was better for content-playing applications, and that for productivity apps you need native software.  And native software is exactly w…

Poster review: Tintin

A nearly perfect poster. Color palette, layout, oh-so-gorgeous rendering on the title. My only complaint is that the billing block type feels too horsey. Our hero is obscured enough that it's too early to tell if this look is going to drown in the uncanny valley along with The Polar Express, but for now it looks like it may be right on. Snowy has been knocked out of the damn park, no matter what the people end up looking like.

SWTF?

Look, I've seen the originals. I've even (unfortunately) sat through all the prequels in a paid seat in the theatre. This painting doesn't make any sense. At least, not without an explanation, and that's kind of not the point with illustrations. But kudos upon kudos for going with an actual honest-to-god illustration on a major live-action home release.

Poster Review: More First Class

This one is marginally better than the last one. The tilted horizon doesn't bug as much. But Sebastian Shaw (Kevin Bacon) seems to have a very bad case of restless leg syndrome. Or he's really hurrying to make it into the shot. And whatever you do, don't really look at what's going on with the angles on everyone else's feet and legs. Or you will go mad.

Poster Review: X-Men: First Class

I realize I'm piling on at this point, but today this was unveiled:
Apparently the moment that changed the world is the introduction of Photoshop, allowing legions of under-qualitified designers to perform un-licensed head strips. This is truly a horrifying concept, and we must send a Terminator back in time to terminate George Lucas before he founded ILM, thereby stopping Photoshop before it could be created, saving legions of illustrator's jobs and making the world a little prettier.Also, X-Men 2 did this concept (if you can call it that), much, much better:
This is the latest in a long line of epic fail posters for this film:

If you told me these were fan-created, I would believe you. If you told me they were official, I might have a breakdown. Please don't do that to me.
These are sort of colorful, and don't feature blatant Photoshop disasters, but are fairly underwhelming, especially the taglines.
It's kind of sad that the logo poster is the least offensive one for…

Poster Review: X-Men: First Class

I realize I'm piling on at this point, but today this was unveiled: Apparently the moment that changed the world is the introduction of Photoshop, allowing legions of under-qualitified designers to perform un-licensed head strips. This is truly a horrifying concept, and we must send a Terminator back in time to terminate George Lucas before he founded ILM, thereby stopping Photoshop before it could be created, saving legions of illustrator's jobs and making the world a little prettier. Also, X-Men 2 did this concept (if you can call it that), much, much better: This is the latest in a long line of epic fail posters for this film: If you told me these were fan-created, I would believe you. If you told me they were official, I might have a breakdown. Please don't do that to me. These are sort of colorful, and don't feature blatant Photoshop disasters, but are fairly underwhelming, especially the taglines. It's kind of sad that the logo poster is the least offensive one for…