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Showing posts from October, 2005

We're Not Worthy

The emollient Dr. Uwe Boll has announced that his upcoming opus, Dungeon Siege, will be split into 2 movies. We're not sure that mere mortals a worthy of such a bounty of Uwe-goodness. This event may be on a level with the Berlin wall coming down. Or the birth of Christ.

The genius that is Boll is so sublime, so perfect that lesser humans cannot begin to divine it. We can only witness the results, his magnificent celluloid gemstones that shine so brightly. He is creating an oeuvre unparalleled in this universe. (And we imagine any others.) With bold ideas such as the non-importance of both character and production design, he is picking up where the avant-garde left off 30 years ago. We weep at the bounty he has presented unto us.

Needless to say, we're going to go start the line for tickets tomorrow.

We also think that this makes it official: Time travel has been invented. How else can you explain two-bit hack directors like Tarantino and Coppola doing the same thing befo…

Get that man a scalpel!

The new King Kong is going to be 3 hours long.

Personally, we have no problem with 3 hour movies. As long as they move along at a decent clip. I imagine that spectacle such as Kong is a good candidate for working well as a 3 hour picture.

Some 3 hour movies that move well:
The Lord of the Rings films
The Godfather
Titanic
Casino

Some 3 hours movies that don't:
Dances with Wolves
Boogie Nights
Punch Drunk Love*
Actually, anything by P.T. Anderson
Lost in Translation*




* We know these movies weren't technically 3 hours long. They feel longer. Watching them will take years off your life.

49 Cinammon Buns!

OK, I'm a horrible, bitter and spiteful GFB. I admit it.

Damn the Birthday Candles