Friday, July 29, 2005

You don't want his agent

Him being Owen Wilson. In the movie business there are generally things called likeness clauses. A likeness clause dictates how big your mug has to be in relation to anyone else's mug (and sometimes who is even allowed) in promotional materials, like posters. Generally when you're the star you get the provision that no one's likeness may appear bigger than your likeness in the poster. In the case of 2 stars, they generally have to be equal.

Which brings me to why you don't want Owen Wilson's agent:



It's not even close. Sure, Double-V's head is lower than OW's, but apparently Vincenzo is a giant. (Or Owen was passed over for the role of Mini-Me only because his nose is crooked.)

If it's still not clear, here's a Photoshopped version of the poster to illustrate how much bigger V2 is in this particular poster. Keep in mind that all I did was rotate the bits of his body. I scaled nothing. I didn't fix the bit of perspective on him (he's leaning back from the camera).



Maybe OW and VV are really good friends and OW doesn't care about his likeness clause. Maybe he'll tell you that he really likes this poster. Riiiiiiiiiiight. This is a town where we get out the ruler on 40 year-old movies to make sure that the billings are the correct percentage of title. Someone fell asleep at the switch. Multiple someones, in all likelihood, since the overall design of this poster is very underwhelming. I understand using the ubiquitous "Comedy White" solution, but couldn't someone come up with a visual concept than this?

Monday, July 25, 2005

$12.4 Million? Wow.

I didn't think that teaming Obi-Wan Kenobi with a talking horse was a good idea, but even I didn't expect this. This first trailer, the one with Mr. Pink delivering the only bit of dialogue, was actually good. But the subsequent offerings made it look worse and worse. The brown artwork probably didn't help. Apparently the more the horse talked, the less people wanted to see it.

I know for a fact that Mr. Large Body of Water Partially Surrounded by Land is very involved in the marketing of his movies, so he's got to share some of the blame. Maybe most of it. After all, he's the one that cast the horse.

Friday, July 22, 2005

Greatest. Web. Site. Ever.

www.uweboll.com

It's pronounced TARE-el

"At the end of the day, I don't have to worry about what people think of me, whether they hate me or not. People hated on Jesus. They threw stones at him and tried to kill him, so how can I complain or worry about what people think?"
–– Eagles wide receiver Terrell Owens, on how people might react to his potential camp holdout.

I'm so glad that the hated Eagles have to deal with this guy, after he trashed by beloved Niners before leaving town. But I have to admit a grudging respect for them over the hard line stance they're taking with this idiot. I wonder if it has occurred to him that if he holds out that he won't get paid anything and that that might not be good for his family, which is the other quote attributed to him.

And all this posturing after a year which could only be considered his fourth-best as a pro. And after he had gotten his dream gig in Philly. And after signing a good contract with them.

This is all as laughable as the time Latrell Spreewell was asking for $9MM (or whatever it was) a year to play basketball, claiming he needed to feed his family. What most people don't know is that he's got 10 wives, 216 kids and 46 in-laws that live at his compound and have to be fed quail, asian pears, veal and lobster daily. On doctor's orders, of course.