ZAPNotes

The emollient Dr. Uwe Boll has announced that his upcoming opus, Dungeon Siege, will be split into 2 movies. We're not sure that mere mortals a worthy of such a bounty of Uwe-goodness. This event may be on a level with the Berlin wall coming down. Or the birth of Christ. The genius that is Boll is so sublime, so perfect that lesser humans cannot begin to divine it. We can only witness the results, his magnificent celluloid gemstones that shine so brightly. He is creating an oeuvre unparalleled in this universe. (And we imagine any others.) With bold ideas such as the non-importance of both character and production design, he is picking up where the avant-garde left off 30 years ago. We weep at the bounty he has presented unto us. Needless to say, we're going to go start the line for tickets tomorrow. We also think that this makes it official: Time travel has been invented. How else can you explain two-bit hack directors like Tarantino and Coppola doing the same thing ...

This is news? We're pretty sure that more people thought Ellen was straight than thought the Commander was. Geeky fan boys everywhere are colored unsurprised.

The new King Kong is going to be 3 hours long. Personally, we have no problem with 3 hour movies. As long as they move along at a decent clip. I imagine that spectacle such as Kong is a good candidate for working well as a 3 hour picture. Some 3 hour movies that move well: The Lord of the Rings films The Godfather Titanic Casino Some 3 hours movies that don't: Dances with Wolves Boogie Nights Punch Drunk Love* Actually, anything by P.T. Anderson Lost in Translation* * We know these movies weren't technically 3 hours long. They feel longer. Watching them will take years off your life.

If, like us here at JAD you find yourself frequently despising the inanities spewed from las bocas of the talking heads who cover events of a sporting nature, we have a site for you. Joy.

OK, I'm a horrible, bitter and spiteful GFB. I admit it.

There is a God.