ZAPNotes

A horse apparently named after a Viven Leigh character and a Dead Kennedy can drink legally for the first time today. Somehow we don't think that procuring alcohol has been an issue prior to today. But now it's, you know, legal. Joy. Make room at the trough!

...and none of us are worthy. Don LaFontaine did the voice over for this trailer! We weep with anticipation for the coming greatness that is Uwe.

I'm still trying to recover from my 15x10 -3 minutes of nationally televised fame. But here are some quick answers to burning questions you may have. If you've got another kind of burning, see a doctor. • I do work with the guy that Clay was hitting on. • Alla really was responsible for the win. • $45 glasses of cognac on someone else's tab are nice perks. Highly recommended joy.

But I certainly had nothing to do with this monstosity. Or did I?

OK, so posts about Gallo's reproductive juices don't elicit responses. Noted. Here's something that I may or may not have been involved in. I like how it says they were given access to me, as if I were a commodity. Or maybe they weren't given access... Guess you'll just have to tune in and watch. ;-)

Are you stumped as to what to get that certain single female on your shopping list? You know, the one who wants to have children, but hasn't found the right guy? Look no further, dear readers, as the intrepid JAD staffers have been working tirelessly since five minutes ago to bring you the solution to your KwansMasKah conundrum. Vincent Gallo's sperm. For only $1,000,000. We know what you're thinking and right now we're wishing that we were female, so we could take advantage of this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. We mean, did you see Brown Bunny?* Price includes all costs related to one attempt at an in-vitro fertilization. (A $50,000 value) If the first attempt at in vitro fertilization is unsuccessful, purchaser of sperm must pay all medical costs related to additional attempts. Mr. Gallo will supply sperm for as many attempts as it takes to complete a successful fertilization and successful delivery. Sperm is 100% guaranteed to be donated by Mr. Gallo who is drug,...