Friday, November 04, 2005

Only 51 Shopping Days Left!

Are you stumped as to what to get that certain single female on your shopping list? You know, the one who wants to have children, but hasn't found the right guy?

Look no further, dear readers, as the intrepid JAD staffers have been working tirelessly since five minutes ago to bring you the solution to your KwansMasKah conundrum.

Vincent Gallo's sperm.

For only $1,000,000.

We know what you're thinking and right now we're wishing that we were female, so we could take advantage of this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. We mean, did you see Brown Bunny?*

Price includes all costs related to one attempt at an in-vitro fertilization. (A $50,000 value) If the first attempt at in vitro fertilization is unsuccessful, purchaser of sperm must pay all medical costs related to additional attempts. Mr. Gallo will supply sperm for as many attempts as it takes to complete a successful fertilization and successful delivery. Sperm is 100% guaranteed to be donated by Mr. Gallo who is drug, alcohol and disease free.

Yes, dear reader, you could give the gift of a lifetime to your female friend. The star and director of Brown Bunny and Buffalo 66** could sire her child(ren). In fact, for only $500,000 more, he'll do the inseminating naturally. Of course, if she's really attractive, he'll waive that fee.

The only way this could be a better gift is if it was the sperm of Dr. Uwe Boll, but we cannot have everything in life, can we?





* we didn't

** missed that one, too

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