ZAPNotes

Totally excellent column for some reason rejected by page 2 editors. Thanks, chisports ! The Sports Guy Goes to an Auction So I'm sitting there the other day watching ESPN2 and I see that Reggie Jackson had a great game. There is nobody, with the possible exception of Kevin Kennedy, that I dislike more than Reggie Jackson. In the pantheon of people that 'Make the Sports Guy Insane,' these two are neck and neck. The phone rings. It's my friend Bish. Score! Bish is always willing to discuss our mutual distaste for Reggie Jackson. Don't get me wrong--we respect his abilities. But he's the the animated Sports Guy of sports. Totally annoying, yet on TV all the time. Bish mentions that it would be nice if Reggie Jackson caught a case of chlamydia at the beginning of September, paving the way for the Red Sox to the playoffs like on Viagara. Bish points out that the chances that Reggie Jackson will come down with chlamydia in September are minimal, but that if we expand...

Our version of why Joe Morgan was called away for a phone call has made it onto FireJoeMorgan. Like Ryan after his hole-in-one, we are contemplating giving up this internet thing altogether. How can we top this?

I did one of those Photoshop parody thingies for the mooneybooster and he thought highly enough of said "art" to put it on his that thar web site. Go for the art, stay for the amusing ravings of a die-hard Cubs fan. He's old-school.

I learned this weekend that Atlanta Braves and Houston Astros fans have a big problem with peeing. Every other ad was for uninary tract medications. The Heat aren't dead, but they need to win Thursday to be taken off of life support.

And I must apologize... For this: And this: And this (but more for the first two): I tried, I really did. I tried to make them better. Tried to capture the essence of the original illustrations. (and I defy anyone to tell me that the poster images for IV and V are the ones that pop to mind when you think back. The photo versions we did of this and this were better. Much better. "Hey kids! When you buy them, you get the original poster art..." ...on the back. Well, at least they're better than the last ones. Not that that justifies anything. It's hard to work on a project you love when the people who control it now view it just as a cash cow to trot out and re-fill the coffers whenever they feel like. And no, I'm not exaggerating. Do you know why there hasn't been a balls-out, must-have collector's version of any of these? In a time when even fucking Showgirls gets the super-boxed set treatment?? Because they know that it will sell anyway a...

No. Words.

The eyes of the 18" Transformers toy sitting on the small IKEA table in my office have started glowing on their own. I don't think they're supposed to do that... Could it be that he's displeased with the direction the movie is taking? He's not a Shia LeBouf fan? Or maybe I'm in a Volkswagon commercial. Time will tell...