Skip to main content

Monday Miscellany #3

  • Apparently Sony's Everquest 2 has added a new "feature". If you type "/pizza" the game launches Pizza Hut's web site, so you can order a pie whilst slaying dragons or virtually wooing an elven princess. This beats the former method, which was spending 5 minutes on the phone with a good pizzeria, ordering something that would actually be edible. The online comic Crtl-Alt-Del has taken this "innovation" to its logical conclusion. Joy.

  • Bad Cover Alert™: Some bimbo named Katrina Carlson has forsaken all credibility or originality and covered the classic "Drive" by The Cars. Another case of trying to cash in on someone else's brilliance, this abomination adds absolutely nothing to the original. Ben Orr is spinning in his grave, no doubt. I was driving (no pun intended) Sunday night when we heard this crap being pushed over the airwaves and into the car's stock radio. The resulting hysteria of both of us simultaneously trying to stop the demon incantation, coupled with the Seattle storm we've been having in Southern California almost ended in complete tragedy. We both hope that that jogger is OK. He certainly came down hard after hitting the hood.

  • Bad Cover Alert™ #2: "Dirty Laundry" by Lisa Marie Presley. I like Lisa Marie and I wish her success, but this is not the way to go about it. Some tunes don't need to be covered. Ever. Of course, this might be better than listing to the latest Jennifer Lopez, but I can think of about 9 dental procedures that would fit that bill.

  • Jessica Alba apparently is done sleeping around. I know this is tough to hear, but you'll get over it. I promise.

  • This might be the way to make a movie. Let Oliver Stone royally screw it up, then just don't do what he did. At least you can't do any worse, right?

  • What? Today's Tuesday you say? I was on holiday yesterday, so piss off.

    • Comments

    Latigo Flint said…
    Nice! And thanks, I was getting a little tired of looking at A. Brody's right eye.
    2:48 PM
    Captain Mog said…
    Oliver Stone... bad movie. Nawww. Ya'all don' watch an Oliver Stone movie, ya endure it. I likes ta' stick forks in ma eyes an' scream like sum one pinched my hemorrhoid, thas the only way I could "watch" The Doors.
    10:06 AM
    Anonymous said…
    I haven't heard the Cars' cover, but I'll make an effort to avoid it based on your Alert. Thank you.

    Everquest 2? I still want to play Everquest 1. I've been looking for a place to throw my life away.

    I hear Alexander hell-a sucked, no pun intended.
    12:48 PM
    Cad Grublygold said…
    I'm with you on this bad remake shit, I heard a gastly hip hop remake of the clasic song Walk This Way wile rooting through the trash at the local laundry mat. needless to say I burned the place to the ground in protest.
    1:46 AM
    Maia said…
    Please tell me you're kidding about the "Walk This Way" comment.
    8:59 AM
    Zach Pennington said…
    LF--I always aim to please.

    Gil--I have yet to find someone who saw the Doors more than once.

    LBB--Thanks for stopping by.

    Cad--Sometimes the hundreds of miles between here and Merced isn't far enough.

    Myster--Cad is a former banker who lives under a bridge, so he may not be too up on current (or even 20 year-old) pop culture.
    10:44 AM
    A Concerned Citizen said…
    I may be wrong but I don't think that Cad was talking about the Run DMC cover with Aerosmith, but the latest one by Marcy Grey who really wrecked the song, but hey you can listen to its ghastlyness on i-tunes.
    1:53 PM
    Captain Mog said…
    Hey! This Monday Miscellany is jus' like last weeks. Dang, ya'all post less den' me Darthy.
    9:46 PM
    Blog ho said…
    Jessica Alba was sleeping around? FUCK. I hear all the good news too late.
    10:02 PM
    Post a Comment

    Popular posts from this blog

    Clay and Adam are a couple of dorks.

    But I certainly had nothing to do with this monstosity. Or did I?
    1 comment
    Read more

    Blackout

    The jury did not believe that Lil' Kim's sunglasses kept her from noticing that it was her friends who were shooting people outside the Hot 97 radio station. Apparently she misplaced the manual for her Joo Janta 200 Peril-Sensitive Sunglasses™. The jury, having not personally experienced the usefulness of having sunglasses that turn progressively black in the presence of danger, thought she was just a liar. Zaphod could have told them that a person wearing such sunglasses would definitely not seen anyone shooting anyone else under any circumstances. The interesting thing about the above article is not that Lil' Kim is the first female rap star to go to prison, but that this radio station is the place where rap entourages go to have shootouts. "Hot 97 is the same station where the posses of 50 Cent and The Game traded bullets last month." Hot 97 is the new OK Corral! We may have just found a career for Latigo that would make good use of his skills. He just
    3 comments
    Read more

    How to write like a gossip columnist

    Anyone can do it! Just keep in mind to never use your source's name, and always play up a celebrity's reaction to something using the following words: Blast Slam Fuming Here's an example: "Latigo Flint blasted reports that his guns do not actually fire live ammunition." Use them in combination!: "Gil slammed fellow carnie Sal's insinuation that he got a bit too personal with a badger. "It was cold and he wasn't even there!" the one-eyed Whack 'em Cats operator fumed." That's right, kiddies. Anyone can write a gossip column. And with the internet, anyone can publish it, too! p.s. Don't forget to put a salacious slant on everything. And blow things out of proportion, too. In fact, you may want to change your middle name to that.
    2 comments
    Read more