Skip to main content

A Sadder Day

My earlier satirical blog about Alone in the Dark isn't half as funny as this supposedly true account of the scripting of said masterpiece. Enjoy.

By the way, the trailer for Bloodrayne may make you go blind. You've been warned.


How does he keep getting video game rights? If I were the owners of a video game and if Uwe approached me not only would I so No Effing Way, I would put him into my next game as the main evil bad guy of the first level. You know the guy who is way easy to kill.
Jack Mercer said…
And I SO loved the game!
Captain Mog said…
I hears hes gots the movie rights to Pong now.

The Right Side Paddle - Played by Ben Affleck, in what some are saying the role he was born to play. That of a lifeless wooden paddle.

The Left Side Paddle - Played by The O.C's Peter Gallagher's Eyebrows, The Eyebrows were director Uwe Bole's first choice. When asked about them Uwe responded "They are just like this impenentrable barrier, and we were able to get them for cost." When asked if it would be difficult to work without Peter the pair answer: Not at all we have been carrying him since we became a unibrow back in '82.

The ball is set to be played by teen sensation Britney Spears. When asked why? she responed with "ummmm....."
An ananoymous source close to the singer/actress was quoted saying, "dude, that woman needs to make some money, last night her flippen AMEX black card got turned down when I tried to use it to get new cornrolls, I didn't marry her for her looks and personality, damnit."
Mike R. said…
It was such a great game. I didn't know there were enough movies at the theatre every week for there to even be a #14. History making epic piece of cinema!!
Teaspoon, I am totally down with Pong. Can Brittany Murphy and Tara Reid have roles? Maybe they can be the Pong cheerleaders...

Popular posts from this blog

Clay and Adam are a couple of dorks.

But I certainly had nothing to do with this monstosity. Or did I?

How to write like a gossip columnist

Anyone can do it! Just keep in mind to never use your source's name, and always play up a celebrity's reaction to something using the following words: Blast Slam Fuming Here's an example: "Latigo Flint blasted reports that his guns do not actually fire live ammunition." Use them in combination!: "Gil slammed fellow carnie Sal's insinuation that he got a bit too personal with a badger. "It was cold and he wasn't even there!" the one-eyed Whack 'em Cats operator fumed." That's right, kiddies. Anyone can write a gossip column. And with the internet, anyone can publish it, too! p.s. Don't forget to put a salacious slant on everything. And blow things out of proportion, too. In fact, you may want to change your middle name to that.

Ruled by Secrecy

CONFIDENTIAL NEW BUSINESS PLAN Given the advancements in Organic Light Emitting Diode (OLED) technology, it is now possible to create the world's next great invention: The digital bumper sticker. See, OLEDs don't use a lot of voltage, can be almost paper-thin and are actually brighter than conventional LEDs using the same amount of power. This next generation bumper sticker (NGBS) will affix to your bumper or rear window as normal, but it will have a wireless connection to your cellular phone (WCTYCP). Flash memory (like in the iPod Shuffle) will keep each slogan displaying on the NGBS for at least 3 months without requiring a recharge/replacement. The advantages of this NGBS for the investor are so many as to boggle the mind, but I will outline a few for you: No more stale slogans. If your candidate lost, you can instantly update your Dennis Kucinich sticker to read "Don't Blame Me, I Voted Kucinich!" We think this will be a great revenue stream. After the l