ZAPNotes

It's the old west, cowboys versus indians. Then the aliens crash-land right in the middle. And it's not cowboy versus indian anymore, it's man versus alien in a desperate fight for survival. It must be self-promotion Monday around here and nobody told me til' the end! Anyhoo—I'm very much responsible for the 60 seconds of goodness that you see above these words. Editing, art directing, three-dee-ing, fluffing, etc. Last week was lots of fun. Doing the trailer and the site in a very short time. I'd tell you how short a time, but then the big boss people are going to expect things even faster than your not-so-slow hero can do without hurting himself. Enjoy and share.

Totally excellent column for some reason rejected by page 2 editors. Thanks, chisports ! The Sports Guy Goes to an Auction So I'm sitting there the other day watching ESPN2 and I see that Reggie Jackson had a great game. There is nobody, with the possible exception of Kevin Kennedy, that I dislike more than Reggie Jackson. In the pantheon of people that 'Make the Sports Guy Insane,' these two are neck and neck. The phone rings. It's my friend Bish. Score! Bish is always willing to discuss our mutual distaste for Reggie Jackson. Don't get me wrong--we respect his abilities. But he's the the animated Sports Guy of sports. Totally annoying, yet on TV all the time. Bish mentions that it would be nice if Reggie Jackson caught a case of chlamydia at the beginning of September, paving the way for the Red Sox to the playoffs like on Viagara. Bish points out that the chances that Reggie Jackson will come down with chlamydia in September are minimal, but that if we expand...

Our version of why Joe Morgan was called away for a phone call has made it onto FireJoeMorgan. Like Ryan after his hole-in-one, we are contemplating giving up this internet thing altogether. How can we top this?

I did one of those Photoshop parody thingies for the mooneybooster and he thought highly enough of said "art" to put it on his that thar web site. Go for the art, stay for the amusing ravings of a die-hard Cubs fan. He's old-school.

I learned this weekend that Atlanta Braves and Houston Astros fans have a big problem with peeing. Every other ad was for uninary tract medications. The Heat aren't dead, but they need to win Thursday to be taken off of life support.

And I must apologize... For this: And this: And this (but more for the first two): I tried, I really did. I tried to make them better. Tried to capture the essence of the original illustrations. (and I defy anyone to tell me that the poster images for IV and V are the ones that pop to mind when you think back. The photo versions we did of this and this were better. Much better. "Hey kids! When you buy them, you get the original poster art..." ...on the back. Well, at least they're better than the last ones. Not that that justifies anything. It's hard to work on a project you love when the people who control it now view it just as a cash cow to trot out and re-fill the coffers whenever they feel like. And no, I'm not exaggerating. Do you know why there hasn't been a balls-out, must-have collector's version of any of these? In a time when even fucking Showgirls gets the super-boxed set treatment?? Because they know that it will sell anyway a...

No. Words.

The eyes of the 18" Transformers toy sitting on the small IKEA table in my office have started glowing on their own. I don't think they're supposed to do that... Could it be that he's displeased with the direction the movie is taking? He's not a Shia LeBouf fan? Or maybe I'm in a Volkswagon commercial. Time will tell...

Well, that was anti-climactic. Installing XP on the JAD iMac was a very smooth process. Of course, Boot Camp is from Apple, so why would we expect anything else? But it's not like this is an emulator or something: the hardware inside the current gen of Macs is essentially the same as that of the other Windows/UNIX/Linux-running computers in the world. But it's nice to know that I have one computer on the desk that can now run virtually 100% of the software on this planet. The other boxes out there cannot say that.

I'm not really sure what the theme of this blog is at this point, but it's mine, so suffer a Mac post. The impossible has happened. Apple has made it easy to install Windows on an Intel iMac or MacBookPro. I can't think of an emoticon that would accurately show my level of surprise at this. I think this means that I have to run out and buy XP, just to do it. Gaaaahaak! ... (out of words)

As much as our ambivalence about the WWL has grown, we have always loathed ESPN morning guy Colin Cowherd. There is bad radio and then there's Cowherd. He replaced orange man Tony Kornheiser a few years ago. He got the slot about a year or two after TK actually left. In the intervening time, ESPN and the affiliates just ran a repeat of Mike & Mike (or as the wife calls them, the Soutern Baptist preachers) in the time slot. Listening to Cowherd actually lowers your intelligence. He is not funny nor is he insightful. He is also deathly afraid of people who disagree with him or offer new thoughts. He is the sports talk radio equivalent of the flat earth society. If he doesn't understand you, he makes fun of you and insults you for being a crackpot. After about 5 minutes of Cowherd we find Jim Rome to be tolerable. This kind of badness is almost worth admiring. That is, if experiencing it didn't make you want to rip out your cochlears with a santoku knife. He is ...

Very sharp observation on ESPN by the cats at Deadspin: We were just at the ESPN Zone at Downtown Disney this weekend. Played some games and watched a little March Madness. (Top speed on the pitching machine was an embarrassing 58mph. We demand a recount.) Anyhoo, being at the worldwide leader's SoCal mecca just served to remind us that by and large ESPN may have become a victim of its own success. We remember watching SportCenter back in the day when every other segment wasn't brought to you by a sponsor, they actually put un-telegenic people on the air and didn't seem to have a penchant for hiring people who's only qualification to pontificate on sports seems to be that that they do it loudly. Perhaps it's the rise of the internet, but we find ourselves not tuning into the four-letter whore so much these days. That, and they still pay Joe Morgan a salary.

From WENN: Lee Shocked by 'Brokeback' Loss Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon director Ang Lee was devastated Brokeback Mountain lost out on the Best Picture Oscar to Crash , but insists he is still proud of the movie The director was disappointed that his film didn't take home the top honor and is baffled as to why it didn't win. He explains, "I would do exactly the same. I'm so proud of the movie. They (the Academy) didn't vote for it, I don't know (why)...I'm just glad the audience embraced it. It was a surprise (not winning), quite frankly." In addition to Lee's Oscar, the film also won awards for Best Adapted Screenplay and Best Score. Hmmm... maybe they liked Crash better? Hell, maybe they liked all of the other 4 films better, we'll never know—the Academy doesn't release vote totals. It's neat that we was so confident in his opus, but maybe he was a bit drunk on the KoolAid being poured by the critics in this town. We a...

Because I haven't had time to give you the aftermath of the BloodRayne line, here's a me-too post. (Play along friends! Anyone can do it!): ONE (1) earliest film-related memory: Standing in line with my dad to see Empire Strikes Back. TWO (2) favorite lines from movies: "Free your mind" "Not bad for a human" THREE (3) jobs you’d do if you could not work in the “biz”: Professional chef be a number five starter CEO of Apple FOUR (4) jobs you actually have held outside the industry: Office clerk Churro vendor Creative Director Photoshop Monkey THREE (3) book authors you like: Hubbard King Stephenson TWO (2) movies you’d like to remake or properties you’d like to adapt: Hubbard's "Mission Earth" (If they can green-light Narnia, why not a 10-book sci-fi satire?) The Dragonlance Chronicles ONE (1) screenwriter you think is underrated: Mike Judge

The inimitable Dr. Boll has a treat for us this weekend. His latest masterwork, Bloodrayne . Some lucky souls have been allowed to see the finished work. Unfortunately they all seem to be haters. But is that really so hard to understand? Most humans cannot comprehend the UB genius level. We hate that which we cannot understand. That said, these sots will have their eyes stabbed out as penance for their ignorance shortly. But not us. We are ready for the weekend. We are going to prepare by fasting on nothing but blood until show time. This should get us into the mood. In fact, we're already in line at the Burbank 16. It's not very long yet, but if you wait until Friday to get your tickets you'll be very envious of our position in line. The master calls us!

Sounds like the cute little red guy is up to no good. What has the world come to? Maybe next Jim Sheridan will bring us Barney's Belfast, in which the purple fella blows up a good part of Ireland in the name of Irish Independence? It's toddler terrorism at its most bizarre. Oh, and happy new year to everyone!