ZAPNotes

From Yahoo!: Tara Reid and Christian Slater's scary movie "Alone in the Dark," [underachieved] with just $2.5 million, finishing well out of the top 10. [...]the movie stars Reid as an anthropologist and Slater as a paranormal investigator[...] It is depressing when a deserving art film, such as Alone in the Dark fails to find the audience it deserves. The movie was a labor of love for all involved, with the actors working for scale. Directed by the visionary Uwe "Germany's Scorsese" Boll, the movie tells the heart-wrenching story of gumshoe (Slater) and the woman he loves (Tara "America's Kidman" Reid) as they fight for the future of the world against all odds. The cast is rounded out by Stephen "America's Anthony Hopkins" Dorff. The movie has also missed out on the awards season, because unfortunately, it was not released in time for Oscar consideration because everyone involved wanted to get it right, no matter how lo...

Hoy es cumpleaños de mi del amigo Latigo Flint. Le $5 deseo la gran diversión, puta de Tijuana y una botella del tequila más fino que una cuenta de dólar diez puede comprar. También le daría un saludo de 21 armas (o deba que sea 29?), pero me parecía haber colocado mal mi arsenal entero.

1. The Razzies, that protector of quality in film, have sold out and gone political, nominating Bush and others for Worst Acting honors for Jabba the Moore's film of last summer. 2. We need to send a Terminator back in time to kill Axl Rose right after he completes laying down vocals for Use Your Illusion albums. This is a good thing on many fronts. It prevents the band from being ruined by Axl. It stops The Spaghetti Incident from ever being contemplated. The 3.5 GnR albums would be elevated even higher because of what might have been. And several years later, Courtney Love-Cobain won't kill Kurt and make it look like a suicide because it would just look like he was being an Axl copycat. Let's get our scientists on this! 3. Was I the only one who was hoping that Terrell Owens would slip and snap his broken leg in two when he was jumping up and down on the bench Sunday? At least the Eagles get to be dismantled by the Pats, bringing a lousy NFL season to a...

As traumatic as the Vince Neil run-in was earlier, my day has been resuscitated by Ian Andrew Ziering's wife. (Yes, they're still married, apparently the divorce isn't final. They're making it work, unlike those A-List ) I get to play with photos of her in a bikini. And get paid to do it.

So I'm playing some music via iTunes and I decide to pop into the music store (iTMS) to see if there's anything new and interesting. And there was. But not for the right reasons. For wrong reasons, so very, very. Wrong. Vince Neil had the third "ad" at the top of the iTMS home page. I can only hope that these are paid ads, making Apple a little money, because there is no other good reason on this earth for that to be where it was. So I just had to click on it, to see what he was up to. ... Who can I sue to reclaim the 30 seconds of my life that were wasted listening to this drivel. Don't get me wrong, I love the Crüe. I can even make the umlats quickly as I type. "Kick Start My Heart" and "Dr. Feelgood" are in a class by themselves. The problem here is that Crüe-less Vince sounds nothing like Vince+Crüe. Vince+Crüe=Gold, at least for a while. He should have looked to the successful solo careers of other front men, who...

Apparently Fox TV has realized that they "relied too heavily on Reality TV" . This is a revelation up there with "Hey! The sky is blue!" and "Toast is good with butter." "Reality" TV is the most gawdawful invention foisted upon us since Muzak. It doesn't even qualify as reality. It's just cheap programming. Producers don't pay scale to the writers—yes, if you think "Reality" TV is unscripted I can hook you up with Jennifer Aniston, real cheap like. Hell, they don't even call the writers writers, all in an effort to protect the lie that this is something out of real life. No royalties are paid to the (non)"talent" people in front of the cameras. DVD royalties? Hah! Don't make this bitter entertainment industry vet laugh. The contracts they offer contestants on American Idol make being a sex slave in the Middle East look like a good gig, or at least one with more dignity. Fox has become the ...

Natalie Portman won a Golden Globe this weekend. As my friend Rube Waddell* has pointed out, this could be the start of a new trend; play a stripper, take your clothes off, win an award. Joy. This hopefully will replace the depressing trend of; ugly up, win an award (Hillary Swank, Halle Berry, Nicole Kidman, Charlize Theron). Some may argue with Hillary Swank's inclusion in my parentheses, but that's why I've got comments turned on. * Don't bother with Rube's blog, he doesn't post there anymore, which is a shame, because he's got one of the great blog names out there.