Skip to main content

Well, you tell me!

So I'm playing some music via iTunes and I decide to pop into the music store (iTMS) to see if there's anything new and interesting. And there was. But not for the right reasons. For wrong reasons, so very, very. Wrong.

Vince Neil had the third "ad" at the top of the iTMS home page. I can only hope that these are paid ads, making Apple a little money, because there is no other good reason on this earth for that to be where it was.

So I just had to click on it, to see what he was up to.


Who can I sue to reclaim the 30 seconds of my life that were wasted listening to this drivel. Don't get me wrong, I love the Crüe. I can even make the umlats quickly as I type. "Kick Start My Heart" and "Dr. Feelgood" are in a class by themselves. The problem here is that Crüe-less Vince sounds nothing like Vince+Crüe. Vince+Crüe=Gold, at least for a while. He should have looked to the successful solo careers of other front men, who's solo releases sounded EXACTLY like the stuff they did with the band that made them big enough to get a solo deal with the record company. People like Ozzy Osbourne and Tom Petty. Vince has elected to release a song which sounds a little like Toad the Wet Sprocket meets the Goo Goo Dolls, but slower. Why?

The song is called "Promise Me" and I cannot figure out exactly what he's trying to do here. I promise him that I won't be supporting his solo career. Mötley Crüe had a sound, and Vince's voice worked well with that. This should not lead one to believe that this meant that Vince knows how to sing, because he doesn't. His limited ability to make sounds that come out of his mouth is not enhance by the inherent whiny quality of said voice. (The Boss, who is very limited as a singer, at least has a quality to his voice that does not incite violence against small animals.)

He is also apparently trying to re-invent himself by appropriating Eddie Vedder's look circa Ten. This wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't so thoroughly out of shape. I saw him New Year's Eve on The Tonight Shoe with the rest of the Crüe and he was roughly twice the width of Nikki Six. And Nikki's thin, but he's not that thin.


Myster said…
My cousin Mikey was friends with John Corrabi's son in junior high. He lived in a very lower-middle-class condo in TO. So I guess the whole filling-in-as-front-man thing didn't really pay.

Popular posts from this blog

AFI's 100 Best Movie Quotes

I'll post what I thought was overlooked and what shouldn't have been included later. Meantime, here's the list as it is:
“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn,” “Gone With the Wind,” 1939.
“I’m going to make him an offer he can’t refuse,” “The Godfather,” 1972.
“You don’t understand! I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I could’ve been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am,” “On the Waterfront,” 1954.
“Toto, I’ve got a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore,” “The Wizard of Oz,” 1939.
“Here’s looking at you, kid,” “Casablanca,” 1942.
“Go ahead, make my day,” “Sudden Impact,” 1983.
“All right, Mr. DeMille, I’m ready for my close-up,” “Sunset Blvd.,” 1950.
“May the Force be with you,” “Star Wars,” 1977.
“Fasten your seatbelts. It’s going to be a bumpy night,” “All About Eve,” 1950.
“You talking to me?” “Taxi Driver,” 1976.
“What we’ve got here is failure to communicate,” “Cool Hand Luke,” 1967.
“I love the smell of napalm in the morning,” “Apocalypse Now,” 1979.
“Love m…

Some things are better left uncovered

Sometimes you hear a cover and go to yourself, "hey, that's doper than Sam Perkins at Woodstock." Other times, you wonder (possibly aloud) "that no talent hack! They couldn't even carry [inset original artist here]'s guitar case!" [Ed. note: You should have seen what the author originally wanted to use as the carried item. Believe us, it wasn't a guitar case.]

Today was an example of the second. Some fool whose name I cannot even spare the mental RAM for, has covered "High and Dry" by the esteemed Radiohead. This is up there. With the worst covers of all time. Some songs just don't ever need to be covered. Like this one. And like "It's My Life" by Talk Talk. But No Doubt did a decent job with that one, although they crapped all over it with that video.

This one today was bad. When you do a cover, you're supposed to bring something to it. Maybe your sound is similar to the original artist's, and you b…

How to write like a gossip columnist

Anyone can do it!

Just keep in mind to never use your source's name, and always play up a celebrity's reaction to something using the following words:


Here's an example:

"Latigo Flint blasted reports that his guns do not actually fire live ammunition."

Use them in combination!:

"Gil slammed fellow carnie Sal's insinuation that he got a bit too personal with a badger. "It was cold and he wasn't even there!" the one-eyed Whack 'em Cats operator fumed."

That's right, kiddies. Anyone can write a gossip column. And with the internet, anyone can publish it, too!

p.s. Don't forget to put a salacious slant on everything. And blow things out of proportion, too. In fact, you may want to change your middle name to that.