Skip to main content

Great Blogs that Never Were

Imagine if the internet had been invented 100 years earlier. Or even earlier than that. Of course, that might mean that a lot of other things would have to be invented first, like monitors, keyboards, computers and toilet paper, but let's skip all that.

What kind of blogs have we missed out on? Let's jump into an alternate universe and find out!

[waiting.]

OK, good. You've made it! Let's look at some of these blogs!:

Spreading the Word
M.

This blog reads kind of like the Bible. Very dry. A lot of "Shalt Nots" and so on. I don't think this guy got laid very much.

The Big Fat Roman Orgy
B.

Wow. This was one catty bitch. He spent post after post whining about his boss. Boring!

The Vicious Blog
D. Parker

And I thought the last one was catty. This reads like a Ted Casablanca column, only literate. Stank of gin, too.

Killed Another One
W. H. McCarty

Thrilling recounts of gunplay, fast horses and dirty women. Every other post was about some guy that mouthed off to him and got a gut full of lead for his troubles. I think this guy was on the run a lot. Must have had a wireless connection.

Do Bloggers Dream of Electric Sheep?
P. K. Dick

Trippy. I think this blog is from the future somehow--but written by me? And now I'm reading it via an alternate universe... Gotta lay off the ether.

Comments

Anonymous said…
An intriguing idea.

I think it would be cool if Frank Sinatra had a blog:

Did a gig. Drank some vino. Some guy got outta line so I had his ass kicked. Sexed a few dancing girls. Recorded My Way. Went to bed at dawn.
Kid Relish said…
Oh yeah, great - hundreds of thousands of morons whining about how we don't belong in Germany or Japan!

"No blood for schnitzel! No blood for schnitzel!"

Popular posts from this blog

Some things are better left uncovered

Sometimes you hear a cover and go to yourself, "hey, that's doper than Sam Perkins at Woodstock." Other times, you wonder (possibly aloud) "that no talent hack! They couldn't even carry [inset original artist here]'s guitar case!" [Ed. note: You should have seen what the author originally wanted to use as the carried item. Believe us, it wasn't a guitar case.]

Today was an example of the second. Some fool whose name I cannot even spare the mental RAM for, has covered "High and Dry" by the esteemed Radiohead. This is up there. With the worst covers of all time. Some songs just don't ever need to be covered. Like this one. And like "It's My Life" by Talk Talk. But No Doubt did a decent job with that one, although they crapped all over it with that video.

This one today was bad. When you do a cover, you're supposed to bring something to it. Maybe your sound is similar to the original artist's, and you b…

A New Game

cpMaia likes to come up with fun games you can play with your friends. Her latest inspired me to come up with one of my own.

Everyone who plays has to come up with three (3) songs they wish they had written. I hope those of you who aren't musicians play along as well.

I'll start:

Paranoid Android, Radiohead
Divine roller-coaster vocals along with some out-of-this-world guitar work.
With Or Without You, U2
Simplicity and restraint elevate what could have been a late-80's power ballad to classic status.
Comfortably Numb, Pink Floyd
2 of the greatest guitar solos of all time.

Monday Miscellany #3

Apparently Sony's Everquest 2 has added a new "feature". If you type "/pizza" the game launches Pizza Hut's web site, so you can order a pie whilst slaying dragons or virtually wooing an elven princess. This beats the former method, which was spending 5 minutes on the phone with a good pizzeria, ordering something that would actually be edible. The online comic Crtl-Alt-Del has taken this "innovation" to its logical conclusion. Joy.
Bad Cover Alert™: Some bimbo named Katrina Carlson has forsaken all credibility or originality and covered the classic "Drive" by The Cars. Another case of trying to cash in on someone else's brilliance, this abomination adds absolutely nothing to the original. Ben Orr is spinning in his grave, no doubt. I was driving (no pun intended) Sunday night when we heard this crap being pushed over the airwaves and into the car's stock radio. The resulting hysteria of both of us simultaneously trying to …