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What if...

What if Harvey Weinstein and Michael Moore sat down to dinner and started eating each other? Would we wind up with a two-headed Jabba the Hutt? The Blob? The Return of Marlon Brando? Would we be overrun with a thousand mini-Harchaels like in Army of Darkness?

This is a question that needs an answer! We need to get a crack research staff on this.

Comments

Now that's a question worth pondering. I think the result would be a huge, gay chocolate donut. But I'm open to other theories.

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How to write like a gossip columnist

Anyone can do it!

Just keep in mind to never use your source's name, and always play up a celebrity's reaction to something using the following words:

Blast
Slam
Fuming

Here's an example:

"Latigo Flint blasted reports that his guns do not actually fire live ammunition."

Use them in combination!:

"Gil slammed fellow carnie Sal's insinuation that he got a bit too personal with a badger. "It was cold and he wasn't even there!" the one-eyed Whack 'em Cats operator fumed."

That's right, kiddies. Anyone can write a gossip column. And with the internet, anyone can publish it, too!

p.s. Don't forget to put a salacious slant on everything. And blow things out of proportion, too. In fact, you may want to change your middle name to that.