Time Is Running Out

It appears one of our MM items from last week is now incorrect. Which is not the same as being incorrect when we published it. We here at JAD like to think that we are 101% accurate 99% of the time. So there.

On with the correction!

Jessica Alba is, in fact, very interested in one night stands. This news comes via The Sun, which means that it's practically the word of God*.

The queue starts to the left, boys. Please try to be orderly about this.

* If God were very, very drunk, and having a bitchy row with some nuns.

Comments

Anonymous said…

Already worked my way through that line.

6:53 PM

Kid Relish said…

Christ - a poser slut! What the hell are we gonna see next? One of these days I'm gonna burn Hollywood to the ground.

"...palm trees are candles in the murder wind..." - Bad Religion

9:26 PM

Clay and Adam are a couple of dorks.

But I certainly had nothing to do with this monstosity. Or did I?

Blackout

The jury did not believe that Lil' Kim's sunglasses kept her from noticing that it was her friends who were shooting people outside the Hot 97 radio station. Apparently she misplaced the manual for her Joo Janta 200 Peril-Sensitive Sunglasses™. The jury, having not personally experienced the usefulness of having sunglasses that turn progressively black in the presence of danger, thought she was just a liar. Zaphod could have told them that a person wearing such sunglasses would definitely not seen anyone shooting anyone else under any circumstances. The interesting thing about the above article is not that Lil' Kim is the first female rap star to go to prison, but that this radio station is the place where rap entourages go to have shootouts. "Hot 97 is the same station where the posses of 50 Cent and The Game traded bullets last month." Hot 97 is the new OK Corral! We may have just found a career for Latigo that would make good use of his skills. He just

How to write like a gossip columnist

Anyone can do it! Just keep in mind to never use your source's name, and always play up a celebrity's reaction to something using the following words: Blast Slam Fuming Here's an example: "Latigo Flint blasted reports that his guns do not actually fire live ammunition." Use them in combination!: "Gil slammed fellow carnie Sal's insinuation that he got a bit too personal with a badger. "It was cold and he wasn't even there!" the one-eyed Whack 'em Cats operator fumed." That's right, kiddies. Anyone can write a gossip column. And with the internet, anyone can publish it, too! p.s. Don't forget to put a salacious slant on everything. And blow things out of proportion, too. In fact, you may want to change your middle name to that.

ZAPNotes

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