Skip to main content

Ruled by Secrecy

CONFIDENTIAL
NEW BUSINESS PLAN


Given the advancements in Organic Light Emitting Diode (OLED) technology, it is now possible to create the world's next great invention:

The digital bumper sticker.

See, OLEDs don't use a lot of voltage, can be almost paper-thin and are actually brighter than conventional LEDs using the same amount of power. This next generation bumper sticker (NGBS) will affix to your bumper or rear window as normal, but it will have a wireless connection to your cellular phone (WCTYCP).

Flash memory (like in the iPod Shuffle) will keep each slogan displaying on the NGBS for at least 3 months without requiring a recharge/replacement.

The advantages of this NGBS for the investor are so many as to boggle the mind, but I will outline a few for you:
  1. No more stale slogans. If your candidate lost, you can instantly update your Dennis Kucinich sticker to read "Don't Blame Me, I Voted Kucinich!" We think this will be a great revenue stream. After the last election there were about 56,000,000 users that would have paid to update their NGBS.

  2. Downloadable slogans. We've got downloadable ringtones, a huge business. This will be even bigger. Trust me.

  3. Animated designs. Increase tailgating and rear-endings by distracting drivers behind you. See the addendum about buying controlling interests in auto body shops.


We are looking for some seed capital to get this started. Don't hesitate, as there is a limited amount of stock available to ground floor investors. You want to get in before the VCs. We accept PayPal (WAPP).

Please keep this plan in the strictest of confidence.

Comments

Latigo Flint said…
I want in - I'm on my way the pawn shop this instant. ('course you know people are so going to hack other people's stickers.)
Zach Pennington said…
Latigo, you have uncovered another revenue stream! We can then sell hacker protection packages (HPP), bumper sticker virus protection (BVP) and branded cleaning kits (CK). It's the Microsoft model.
Latigo Flint said…
Out of curiosity, how much longer do you intend to refer to me as Pope Gutless Bastard II?
You're only halfway there. A microphone with voice-recognition software must be installed in the dashboard so you can change it while driving.

It must translate from English into both Polish and Spanish when you speak the appropriate verbal cue.

This way you can tell that person you just passed "You drive like my Grandmother" or "Die cold and alone."
Anonymous said…
Amen to bottle rocket fire alarm's posting
Zach Pennington said…
LF - Not much longer, I guess.

BRFA - You're hired as the CTO.

Anonymous - Wanna sign up for the beta test?

Popular posts from this blog

Some things are better left uncovered

Sometimes you hear a cover and go to yourself, "hey, that's doper than Sam Perkins at Woodstock." Other times, you wonder (possibly aloud) "that no talent hack! They couldn't even carry [inset original artist here]'s guitar case!" [Ed. note: You should have seen what the author originally wanted to use as the carried item. Believe us, it wasn't a guitar case.] Today was an example of the second. Some fool whose name I cannot even spare the mental RAM for, has covered "High and Dry" by the esteemed Radiohead. This is up there. With the worst covers of all time. Some songs just don't ever need to be covered. Like this one. And like "It's My Life" by Talk Talk. But No Doubt did a decent job with that one, although they crapped all over it with that video. This one today was bad. When you do a cover, you're supposed to bring something to it. Maybe your sound is similar to the original artist's, an...

How to write like a gossip columnist

Anyone can do it! Just keep in mind to never use your source's name, and always play up a celebrity's reaction to something using the following words: Blast Slam Fuming Here's an example: "Latigo Flint blasted reports that his guns do not actually fire live ammunition." Use them in combination!: "Gil slammed fellow carnie Sal's insinuation that he got a bit too personal with a badger. "It was cold and he wasn't even there!" the one-eyed Whack 'em Cats operator fumed." That's right, kiddies. Anyone can write a gossip column. And with the internet, anyone can publish it, too! p.s. Don't forget to put a salacious slant on everything. And blow things out of proportion, too. In fact, you may want to change your middle name to that.

A Sad Day

From Yahoo!: Tara Reid and Christian Slater's scary movie "Alone in the Dark," [underachieved] with just $2.5 million, finishing well out of the top 10. [...]the movie stars Reid as an anthropologist and Slater as a paranormal investigator[...] It is depressing when a deserving art film, such as Alone in the Dark fails to find the audience it deserves. The movie was a labor of love for all involved, with the actors working for scale. Directed by the visionary Uwe "Germany's Scorsese" Boll, the movie tells the heart-wrenching story of gumshoe (Slater) and the woman he loves (Tara "America's Kidman" Reid) as they fight for the future of the world against all odds. The cast is rounded out by Stephen "America's Anthony Hopkins" Dorff. The movie has also missed out on the awards season, because unfortunately, it was not released in time for Oscar consideration because everyone involved wanted to get it right, no matter how lo...