Saturday, December 18, 2004

Get that man a barber

Ricky Williams, who is apparently campaigning for the role of uncle Jesse in The Dukes of Hazard movie, has done an interview with that pillar of journalistic integrity, "60 Minutes". In said interview, he claims that he would apologize to is teammates if he understood why he would be apologizing. He doesn't see a reason to.

[insert Lewis Black's stunned noise that he makes, as there is no emoticon that does it full justice]

But he'll do it if someone asks him to.

He says it won't mean anything if he doesn't understand why he'd be doing it.

[insert noise again]

We knew that Ricky was a bit off-kilter. When he first came into the league, he would do after practice and game interviews—without taking off his helmet! Then some yokels gave him some medication, which while he was seemingly no longer so shy, I doubt it really improved his mental state.

But is his cognitive function really so low that he cannot understand the magnitude of what he did? Doesn't he know that the beard makes him look like the black Ted Kaczynski? I guess not. Mary Jane mixed with psychiatric drugs is probably not such a good idea.

If you see him, remind him that:

  1. He screwed the Miami Dolphins by quitting right before training camp, having given no prior indication that he was considering the move

  2. He was basically the offense in Miami and his quitting effectively destroyed any chances his team had of a successful season

  3. His future obligations to the team were so great that an arbitrator decided that he has to pay back the team $8mm—which he probably doesn't even have at this point

I think it at least deserves a "My bad guys. Sorry for blowing up your season."

Or he could at least shave the beard.

One has to start somewhere.


Rube Waddell said...

Back when I didn't live on a block of floating ice, I played craps with Ricky at the Hard Rock Casino in LV. He was on fire. He made me hundreds of dollars with my modest bets... he must of made himself tens of thousands in a 20 minute period. The man can roll the bones... (is this thing on?) The table was in flames... the other players were whooping and hollaring... but it was only after I turned to him and said, "Hey Ricky... you're making us all rich here... smile man!" did he finally crack a smile. It was a genuine smile and a warm one. I can see how he fools people. Moral of the story... Ricky's weird... but a killer craps player.

Latigo Flint said...

That is a beautiful story Rube, thanks for sharing. But I bet you'd feel differently if he had turned to you all and told you to put your faith in one more roll of his dice and then when all your bets were laid he tossed the dice into the glass of a passing waitress, set the table on fire and dashed off to sit under Jimmy Hendrix's guitar where he proceeded to light up and smoke his own pants.

darthmoridin said...

Go Latigo!

Rube Waddell said...

I'm sure I just didn't hang around long enough...